Saturday, April 2, 2011

Not so much a success

Last Friday was a trying day at the new job. The two bosses were out and the girl I was left in the office with was on an apparent power trip and proceeded to take it out on me as soon as the last boss left; the other was off that day. It was so much that I had envisioned myself going to lunch, with all my belongings, and not coming back. No where in my title does it say "assistant" and she was treating me worse than I've ever been treated when I did have "assistant" in my titles in the past. Then they do these working lunches so not only do I have to be there for 40 hours a week, I have to wait to be told when I can eat lunch and I can't even get away for 30 minutes to an hour during the day to have to myself without these people. I'm seriously contemplating if I want to go in on Monday or not. I firmly believe in not continuing with a job if your gut is telling you to quit. It doesn't make one a quitter; it makes you listen, truly listen to your soul and do what is right for you. I know not everyone would agree with my reasoning, but it's mine and I'll stick to it. So now I'm once again at a crossroads in my work-portion of life. I completely hate giving up 40 hours of my time every week to do someone else's bidding, who most likely treats me like I'm less than human, and thus making me feel bad about myself and not truly being happy with life. I was completely bitter about this on a whole Friday and was even doing some job searching while at work; I was fed up and no longer cared. If I'm forced to work in an office setting, I'd much prefer for it to be working away on a computer where I can have no use of a phone during my day and I can just do my work and leave. Not the greatest, but I despise being on the phones at work and yet keep getting put into these positions I'm not comfortable with. It's not a matter of being outside my comfort zone, it's the being forced to work a job that isn't what I want to do...why do some people get to have their dream jobs and others are forced to just settle? I'm done settling. I was talking to my sisters today, talking about finding a new job and even possibly moving away from where I've lived for 30 years of my life. It's time for a change; new surroundings; new job market; new me! I'm not entirely sure how serious they thought I was being but I was taking mental notes as we spoke. I'm seriously fed up with life at this stage and something drastic needs to change. I really wonder if I could clear out all the posessions in my life I don't NEED and make a go of it just moving from one city to the next working odds and ends jobs. Would I ever get a moment's peace without worry of money? Would I have a place to hang my hat, so to speak, and ever truly feel at home? ...or should I just go find a job I can do okay or maybe even well, that I somewhat like, and continue to live my life that is just, meh?