Dating, These Days

So a while ago I turned to a friend at work and asked "how do you meet guys that doesn't consist of going to a bar?"  Her response was "eHarmony" and of course I laughed but she then followed up by "That's how I met my husband" to which I suddenly felt guilt.  I decided to give it a go and sign up only to find out there was a special running and it wouldn't cost nearly as much as it normally does.

So I signed up, built up my profile and began getting matches sent to me.  I decided to extend the distance where my matches would come from b/c the gypsy in me is always up for an adventure and I definitely don't see myself staying in the midwest all my life.  Yeah, I'd move for a job, or love...if I can ever figure out what that last bit means.

And before you judge someone (or me) for signing up to meet guys (and yes pay for it as well) on the internet, please think about the age we are in.  The technology age.  I understand anyone can pretend they are someone else behind a keyboard but people can also be themselves in the same manner, just as in person.  People can play a part in public and be someone completely different behind closed doors.

Here I am 6 months later and have only met 2 guys in person, none of which are anything to write home about and am currently in a pen pal/email situation with another.  The first guy I went out with turned out to be a little self centered in not wanting to move even though he had his matches extended out beyond where he lives.  The second guy I went out with just didn't really work out.  The third guy I've been emailing with since September is actually more promising than any of the other matches I received the entire 6 months on the site.  We've moved on to the letter sending stage and I like the old time feeling is has of a traditional courtship, minus the chaperon, obviously.  Also, he happens to live in England, so it will be a while before the face to face stage happens.  I'll cross that bridge (of the pond, ha, get it? I have humor!) when I come to it.

And all of this online dating bit is still easier than trying to meet and talk to a guy in a bar who is already drunk or just looking to get drunk.  And also easier (on my self esteem) with online dating than liking a guy only to find out he's taken or lies about being taken to "let you down easier" or throws out the line "I've met someone" after a bit of flirting, to insinuate that you are in face NOT a someone b/c let's be honest, that line only makes you feel like less than someone, am I right?

This last bit is something I've faced my entire life which is why I've never been big on dating in the first place. I can count on one hand the number of boyfriends I've had, one of which I wouldn't even classify as that seeing as how now, when I look back on that "relationship", it truly was a joke apparently all on me and I was too naive to get myself out sooner than I should have.  My lack of dating also stems from fear of rejection, lack of self esteem, a bit of being overly shy at times, fear of being left behind when things get intense.  But, those are normal feelings, right?

But this year I've decided to get over those fears and feelings and give it a chance.  I'm not entirely sure I understand what love is or is supposed to be, and can truly say I've never been there.  I'm not out to have someone change anything about me or try to change anyone else.  I want it to happen the way it's supposed to and see if I can be a part something bigger than just me.

Crazy Days

The past two weeks have been a serious wake up call. It all started with the passing of a friend. He started out as a boss, moved on to become a mentor and furthermore to someone I could call a friend.

He will always remain, no matter who else comes along, my favorite boss I could have been blessed to have in this world. To me, a good boss is someone who listens to their employees, backs them when it's needed, teaches them lessons whenever possible all while never ever making your employee look or feel as if they are beneath you. He never, not once, made me regret any decisions, good or bad, I made over the course of my tenure in his employ. Granted we both worked for a bigger organization and often had to answer to a higher authority, but no matter what he would be there for me when needed.

He became a mentor without me ever really realizing it. Still now, years after having worked directly for him despite going back to work for him again but in a less direct role, I still firmly call him the greatest boss I ever had and can easily offer up evidence to back up my claims when interviewing and being asked what I believe a good boss to be and how would I describe that. He shaped my view of the working world and taught me lessons about work ethic and quality that have shaped myself and will remain with me until the end of my time.

He became a friend, all the while remaining a mentor, when he would make time to sit and talk when it was needed, work related or not. We laughed together, so much more than I could have ever hoped to, and we even cried together when conversations took a serious turn into reality unexpectedly. There were others who can easily claim they knew him better and rightfully so, but I knew him in my own right and will always cherish the memories I have of him.

My heart aches for his wife and two small children, ever more so, knowing they will never have the opportunity to first hand know what a truly great man their father was. My heart lightens ever so lightly, as it's still sad, but knowing they will still get to know how great a man their father was through his endless supply of family and friends whom their father's memory will live on in forever.

So to my boss, my mentor, my friend, John Sadl, may you rest in peace and be that guiding light to your family and friends, your loved ones as I know you wouldn't have it any other way. Your time in this world was far too short but you truly shall become immortal in the memories and impact you had and still have.